


Soldier on

by andiwould



Series: Merlin Summer Pornathon 2013 [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Canon Era, Comfort Sex, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Feelings, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Internal Monologue, M/M, Magic, Memories, Mutual Pining, Protective Merlin, Public Sex, Rutting, Silence, Spells & Enchantments, Summer Pornathon 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiwould/pseuds/andiwould
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur grabs his arm and Merlin turns his head around to look at him, a question in Arthur's eyes. </p><p><i>Is there something you need?</i>, Merlin looks back at him with intent. </p><p><i>No, I only need you</i>, Arthur’s eyes speak to him, and when Arthur tugs him closer and presses their lips together, Merlin understands what Arthur is asking for. And he gives in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldier on

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this belongs to one of my entries from the [2013 Merlin Pornathon](http://summerpornathon.livejournal.com), only I never got around to posting it for some reason, but now that I've found it on my gdocs folder I've decided to. This was written for the week five challenge: canon era (alternative 4x02 ending), and it's been slightly re-edited.
> 
> Betaed kindly by [eeshbelle](http://eeshbelle.livejournal.com/).

As soon as Lance and him join the others on the Isle of the Blessed, all the knights and Arthur, in his own way, show him how glad they are to have him back. They gather in a circle around the campfire, but the atmosphere is tense, nothing to do with the usual chatter; Gwaine’s adventures, Percy’s jokes, and Leon’s boring prattle that always lulls them all to sleep. There’s nothing of that tonight, only the dull cracking of the fire, the hissing of the air and some distant crows howling. 

The knowledge of what is to happen weighs upon them, and the knights retire earlier than Merlin has ever seen, huddling close to the fire and turning their backs on Merlin and Arthur, who stay awake to talk in hushed voices about what’s going to happen when they are face to face with the gatekeeper. 

“I’ll take your place,” Merlin tells Arthur when Arthur talks about the sacrifice. It’s what he’s supposed to do, his duty, his destiny. But it’s more than that; he’d give his life for Arthur once and again because Arthur means everything to him.

But Arthur shakes his head, says Merlin’s name in that tone that makes Merlin’s heart squeeze with a wave of emotions.

When Merlin whispers that he’s going to sleep he stands up and steps over the fallen tree trunk he had been leaning against as carefully as he can, so as not to wake up the knights. However, as he's about to sit down on the hard ground at Arthur’s feet, Arthur grabs his arm. Merlin's head whips around to look at him, and immediately he notices a question in Arthur's eyes. 

_Is there something you need?_ , Merlin holds his gaze steadily.

 _No, I only need you_ , Arthur’s quiet, his grip gentle, but his eyes speak volumes to him.

When Arthur tugs him closer and presses their lips together, Merlin understands what Arthur is asking for. And he gives in. He knows Arthur is doing this because he believes he’s not going to make it past tomorrow, that he will give himself to the spirit world, but Merlin is the one who truly knows that won’t happen because he will be the one crossing the veil.

So this is goodbye for them. 

Arthur kisses him hungrily but tenderly, and his kisses say _you’re the worst servant, but you’re the best of friends_ and _I'm fortunate to have you_ and _I’ve needed you all along, even at the beginning when I pushed you away_ , and Merlin in turn tries to convey with every caress that there’s no one in the world he cares more about. 

And there’s something else neither says out loud, but Merlin knows it’s there, feels it deep in his heart, in his bones, in his magic. One of them won’t be back in Camelot by tomorrow, so tonight feels like the best moment to open up and do everything that they have suppressed in the years they’ve known each other.

That’s why when Arthur lies him down gently on the ground and settles on top of him, hitching his hips with need against him and leaving wet kisses all over Merlin’s face and throat, Merlin thinks a silent spell to muffle all the noises they can make, to force the knights to a deeper slumber. He doesn’t want their friends finding out what they are up to, but not because he’s ashamed, but because it’s their moment and only theirs, and Merlin wants to relish in every second of it without having anyone spoiling it. Arthur seems to barely be aware that there are other people around, he’s so desperate with need, so loud and careless and honest, that Merlin’s body flares with it, his magic sings, and his mind forgets. 

They bring each other off like that, just rutting madly, grasping arms and faces and hips, and breathing too harshly. But it has to be this way, there’s no time for nice and slow. It’s raw and unbidden and their first and last.

When Arthur meets his eyes as his orgasm fades, Merlin heart aches in a million different ways. Whatever happens tomorrow, Merlin will have this moment in his memory for the rest of eternity, and the knowledge that the man he loves will be safe.

 

_~finish._


End file.
